what happened to me???

there was a time for me when eating healthy, keeping active and eating the bad stuff in moderation was my normal course of life.  if i did gain a few extra pounds, it was pretty easy to get rid of them.  my focus was spot on and i knew my body and how to take care of it....


that said, here i am soon to be 45 years old and a healthy lifestyle for myself is challenging and hard.  yet, it makes no sense why...i mean, my kids eat very healthy.  there are no juice boxes and crap snacks in our home.  one of my daughter's favorite snacks is raw carrots - and my son could live on unsweetened applesauce 24 hours a day.  they have never eaten white bread, white pasta, or drink soda, kool-aid, etc...they are active and encourage to participate in physical activity all the time....


back to all things in moderation...yes, there are "fun" snacks in the house like oreos, m&m's, etc....my kids totally understand they are treats and not something they expect to get on a daily basis or whenever they want.  candy is an extremely controlled commodity in the dillner house.


again - my kids get it - but how did i become the person i swore i would never???  i am a snacker and easily find my way into the "fun" snacks and consumer more than i should. i never was a fan of oreo's, still do not like them, but they sure can find the way into my mouth...just because i am hungry and they fill a quick need.  how stupid does that sound???  very stupid.

i have been on a quest to lose the remaining baby weight from my son- he will be two on may 22nd.  i also have some left over pounds from a time when i was on a high dosage of prednisone (what i call medicine weight) and then the weight gain from pre & post spinal fusion.  i have lost about half of all of this weight gain combined and at this point, i need to lose 15 pounds to be happy and able to start wearing the closet full of clothes i own.  20 pounds would be even more awesome, but all in time.


the recovery from my back surgery is coming along nicely and it just gets stronger every day.  i recently joined a "bootycamp" class once a week to get moving, as well as do a run/walk program on my treadmill three times a week while my son naps.


the good news is that since i started my initiative in february i have lost another 8 pounds which includes 1 inch off my upper arms, one inch off my hips and one inch off my thighs.  sounds awesome, right???  i was pretty happy, until i stepped on the scale this morning and gained 3 pounds back!!!!!!  next week is my monthly-measurement check and i am dreading seeing the results....


frustrating - yes!!!  but, who do i blame...myself!!!  i do a lot of hard work in terms of exercise...completed a 100 day challenge of no fast food and even gave up sweets for lent...yet - i snack.  even if it was not sweets (since i gave it up for lent) - it would be crackers, cheese, chips, pretzels, etc....  some how, keeping that balance of a diet to eat to lose and eat to keep healthy falls short when my cravings are at a high.  not to mention, i love to have a glass or two of wine before bed.  just to wind down from long, crazy days that come with being a SAHM of two young children.


i am human and have become weak.  not the person i once was.  


yes, the weight gain is a set-back, but a reality check of how my actions and bad eating habits are still at large.  i will try again and hopefully get back to being the healthy person i once was....all in time...one step at a time....i can do this....