just want a sandwich...damn it!!

i like a good sandwich...really who doesn't???  LOVE  - wait, passionately LOVE jimmy johns - which can be a real bad habit!

i do not know what came over me this morning - but i was so ready to get my soon to be two year old son dressed and haul it over to JJ's at 9am for a #12 (beach club, all the way baby).  i didn't - in fact, i have only eaten at JJ's once in the last five months or so - and when i did, it was the veggie on whole grain, ez mayo and i removed most of the cheese...so, it was kinda, sorta healthy...lol

we did go out though - to the grocery store to get fresh produce for dinners this week - and mommy's morning super juice...diet rockstar.  well, i am you know....

and we did just that...but there is the bakery right next to the produce department - like who ever thought THAT was a good idea???  the smell of fresh rolls did me in...i am a sucker for a freshly baked onion roll...and that was the end of that.  next thing i know,  my son and i were getting a nice selection of fresh rolls (my husband will certainly appreciate this delicacy for his lunches this week)...then to the deli for real sliced roasted turkey breast, not the processed cold cuts...ok, this is in the right direction - deli meats are fresh and lower in sodium than processed...wohooooo.  yeah, i know, all the fitness minded folks just threw up their arms in utter disgust and shame for me.   like us all, they will get over it...momma wants a sandwich!!!!

i remembered that i had a ripe avocado at home, along with a jar of fire roasted red peppers....my sandwich dream is all coming together...one more thing to pick up - honey mustard.  already have mayo with olive oil at home...so i think that will do it.

we arrived at home and i hastily made my son's lunch as my sandwich craving was starting to rear its ugly head.  ok - the boy is eating.  time to make my some-what healthy creation...here goes:

onion roll - of course!!
one side of roll with olive oil mayo and honey mustard spread
one side of roll with fresh mashed avocado
the filling:
fire roasted red peppers
half slice of colby-jack cheese (or as my kids call it - spotty cheese)
butterball roasted turkey breast (thin sliced - about 3 slices)

i think i inhaled it before my son was done with his lunch...lol  it was outstanding and let me tell you it could have been much, much worse....the sheer amount of bad things i could have added to my sandwich...oh, the possibilities....like bacon, yeah bacon, that totally would have put that sandwich over the top...and more cheese!!!

so, i did it - probably blew most of my calorie count today - but i do have my bootycamp class tonight...i have certainly earned the need for intense work-out.  nope, do not feel guilty - totally satisfied and totally happy with keeping it within a range of some-what healthy items.

glad i did not go to JJ's, as i really would have been feeling the guilt and very full as the sandwich is probably 800 calories...

oh well - all in the day of trying to lose weight.....

ditch the scale????

scale vs.  measuring tape.....

if you read my last post, i was quite frustrated by a recent weight gain.  so, i kept my focus that week and when it came time for my weekly weight in, the three pounds i gained the week before were gone.  so back to the same weight - been the same for quite some time.  so irritating - i mean you work so hard and the scale totally lets you down...or does it???

my weekly weigh in was also my monthly measurement tracking day.  tada.....i had lost another half inch off both my hips and thighs.  so, how could that be - weight going up and down yet stays in the same range - but i have lost inches...clothes fit better....hmmmmmm

so, had to ask myself, why do i weigh myself each week?  being a loyal WW follower - that is what you do, in fact your online page on your weigh day will remind you it is time to get on the scale.  so, it truly is habit.  because of high cost, i did not do WW this time, but sparkpeople...and sparkpeople does not have a reminder about weighing yourself - yes, you can track it - but it is not a large part of your plan.  i am starting to understand why...

read a great article this morning and it really helped put things in perspective.

http://exercise.about.com/od/weightloss/a/losinginches.htm

totally explains that you can lose inches and yet maintain the same weight as you burn fat and develop lean muscle.  i will take lost inches over weight loss any day....glad i looked into this.

yes, i still have some snacking issues - and i am really working hard on that.  but i am relieved and happy to understand whatever i am doing is the right direction and in time the weight will come off...fearing the scale is not a healthy emotion at any time.  will i totally ditch it?  nah....just keep a better perspective of the numbers.    i will change my weigh in to my monthly measurement day...that way i can just concentrate on eating right and exercise.

well, that is enough of a health lesson for today.....

what happened to me???

there was a time for me when eating healthy, keeping active and eating the bad stuff in moderation was my normal course of life.  if i did gain a few extra pounds, it was pretty easy to get rid of them.  my focus was spot on and i knew my body and how to take care of it....


that said, here i am soon to be 45 years old and a healthy lifestyle for myself is challenging and hard.  yet, it makes no sense why...i mean, my kids eat very healthy.  there are no juice boxes and crap snacks in our home.  one of my daughter's favorite snacks is raw carrots - and my son could live on unsweetened applesauce 24 hours a day.  they have never eaten white bread, white pasta, or drink soda, kool-aid, etc...they are active and encourage to participate in physical activity all the time....


back to all things in moderation...yes, there are "fun" snacks in the house like oreos, m&m's, etc....my kids totally understand they are treats and not something they expect to get on a daily basis or whenever they want.  candy is an extremely controlled commodity in the dillner house.


again - my kids get it - but how did i become the person i swore i would never???  i am a snacker and easily find my way into the "fun" snacks and consumer more than i should. i never was a fan of oreo's, still do not like them, but they sure can find the way into my mouth...just because i am hungry and they fill a quick need.  how stupid does that sound???  very stupid.

i have been on a quest to lose the remaining baby weight from my son- he will be two on may 22nd.  i also have some left over pounds from a time when i was on a high dosage of prednisone (what i call medicine weight) and then the weight gain from pre & post spinal fusion.  i have lost about half of all of this weight gain combined and at this point, i need to lose 15 pounds to be happy and able to start wearing the closet full of clothes i own.  20 pounds would be even more awesome, but all in time.


the recovery from my back surgery is coming along nicely and it just gets stronger every day.  i recently joined a "bootycamp" class once a week to get moving, as well as do a run/walk program on my treadmill three times a week while my son naps.


the good news is that since i started my initiative in february i have lost another 8 pounds which includes 1 inch off my upper arms, one inch off my hips and one inch off my thighs.  sounds awesome, right???  i was pretty happy, until i stepped on the scale this morning and gained 3 pounds back!!!!!!  next week is my monthly-measurement check and i am dreading seeing the results....


frustrating - yes!!!  but, who do i blame...myself!!!  i do a lot of hard work in terms of exercise...completed a 100 day challenge of no fast food and even gave up sweets for lent...yet - i snack.  even if it was not sweets (since i gave it up for lent) - it would be crackers, cheese, chips, pretzels, etc....  some how, keeping that balance of a diet to eat to lose and eat to keep healthy falls short when my cravings are at a high.  not to mention, i love to have a glass or two of wine before bed.  just to wind down from long, crazy days that come with being a SAHM of two young children.


i am human and have become weak.  not the person i once was.  


yes, the weight gain is a set-back, but a reality check of how my actions and bad eating habits are still at large.  i will try again and hopefully get back to being the healthy person i once was....all in time...one step at a time....i can do this....